Self-Control and God-Control

I find myself saying to people, “You can’t control other people, you can only control yourself.” Maybe a little obvious. It’s an attempt to redirect frustration with the decisions other people make to focus on what decisions we can make. Rather than become angry and powerless about things we can’t change, we focus on changing ourselves and our habits of thought and action. Self-control is within our reach.

If a friend or family member asks us to participate in something we are uncomfortable with, we can say, “no, thank you.” True, they may think less of us, that we are less fun or a part of the group. They may make fun of us, but we can’t control how they respond, only ourselves.

On the other hand, we can’t use this as excuse for our own bad behavior. If I say something rude, it is no excuse to say, “Well, I can’t control that they think that was a rude statement!” We can control our word choice and tone of voice.. It takes practice.

And then there are times when we have trouble controlling ourselves, usually when we are overwhelmed with emotion but also times when we are mindlessly going along and not asking, “why am I doing this?” Sometimes we don’t know!

Which is why we ultimately need God-control of our lives not just self-control. Paul says that self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:23). True self-control is therefore not just a matter of willpower or thinking hard about how we think, speak, or act. True self-control has to begin with the Spirit working in us to align our minds and hearts with Jesus, his forgiveness and his example.

Lent is a time to surrender control to God. First, we admit that we have trouble controlling our thoughts, words and actions and then we trust that Jesus sets us free from the old habits with his grace and forgiveness. We pray that forgiveness would release us from anger towards others, our lack of self-control, and our mindless habits. God is so gracious to give us the Holy Spirit to make a new mindset and guide us in new habits as we come together to follow Jesus!

Then we practice new habits of self-control, trusting that the Spirit is working in us bearing this fruit. When we begin to mindlessly rant about other people’s bad behavior, we catch ourselves and ask, “What words and tone will help the people around me serve Jesus and the neighbors he has called me to love”?

It seems we need mindful, self-controlled people more than ever in our world in order that we can point to our hope in Christ rather than the cycles of outrage and grievances that fill our society and contaminate our relationships. The Holy Spirit comes to us this Lent and invites us into the discipline of self-control because King Jesus is the one who rules our lives!

Trusting Jesus to graciously rule mind, mouth, and body,

Pastor Peter